No Change

My wife is still wrapped up in her eating disorder, but she doesn't seem to know it.

It's taken a new form, but the effects on me and probably on the kids are the same: she cares more about the eating disorder than she does about her family.

How do I know? Well, it's sort of a daunting chain of events.

Today, she didn't keep her word to be back from fabric shopping in time for me to go to my martial arts class without dragging two kids with me.

No big deal, right? Well, actually, right. When she was gone, I took all three with me, and got them Happy Meals to eat while I had my lesson. My instructor runs classes at his home, and doesn't mind my kids being there. So, was it really an imposition? No.

But it was an example of her not keeping her word.

Let's go to the next step in the chain: the laundry. When she was gone, I got it done on Friday. All of it. The kids put their clothes away for the week when they went to bed. Washed, folded, sorted. And every week, either sheets or towels. Every week. She's let that drift. Now, it happens in Saturday, or Sunday. Why? I don't have a good reason from her. It's not like she's working.

Anyway, she didn't get it done on Friday, so she had to do it today, Saturday. If she had stepped up and gotten it done, well, here's the thing: she could have gone fabric shopping earlier and respected my time.

And why is it drifting? When I even bother to ask (not often, these days, why should I invite an excuse I don't believe or care to hear?), the answer is she was busy with other things or too tired.

Sorry. There were plenty of days when she was gone that I was tired. Or busy. Let me think. Yes, it was approximately every day.

But here's what I saw yesterday: a lot of messaging on Facebook with some girl she met in the facility. A girl who lied all the time, and fought treatment. Now, she's struggling with her recovery.

That girl is apparently more important than her own family.

Is doing the laundry helping your family? Try not doing it for a month.

My wife is doing the bare minimum so she can say that she did something to help out around the house, and then going off and trying to convince a lying drama queen to eat a cracker. Over Facebook.

Sorry. Fuck that. I'm fucking angry. I did everything. Everything to make it possible for her to go inpatient again. I have up my sports car for her. Again. I've paid and paid and paid.

Money.

Time.

Effort.

Tears.

Pain.

And I'm still paying. For what? So she can Facebook with some lost cause?

Fix •this• family first, goddammit.

•This•.

•Family•.

Unless, of course, she doesn't want to. Which is what her actions are telling me.

Yes, all because she didn't respect my time today, and caused me no inconvenience at all.

Comments

[Blood Dragon]

So, the question, then, is: Is this a backslide, a slip, a weak moment? Is the falling back into old habits? Is this not trying at all?

Boiling down to, does she want to put effort into this, or not? If not, she's wasting your time. I don't say that because I want to see you split up - you guys are (or can be, anyway) good together.

She needs to figure out what she wants. And what she's willing to do to get and/or keep it.

And then she needs to tell you.

But since most of her pathology is about lying to herself, it's going to be hard to be honest with you...

[ytrozs]

Feels like old habits. And not wanting to put in the effort.

The worst part right now is, I don't believe anything she tells me. I told her basically what I wrote here, and she had some response but I didn't even bother to listen. It was excuses, not explanations. I just don't know what to do.

[ytrozs]

I take that back. The worst part is, I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting my time.

I haven't the slightest idea how to deal with that.

I spent a good chunk of my lesson today just punching bag.