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03/10/2013

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Blood Dragon

So what happens if you don't respect the decision?

Because - really - you don't. You're just not showing it.

Like me, you think it is a stupid decision, a wrong decision, a selfish decision, a weak decision, and a self-defeating decision.

ytrozs

Well, honestly, I found out today what happens when I decide to respect a decision I don't support.

I end up having a meltdown, scaring the crap out of my kids, and calling my wife in hysterics.

Maybe, later on, when I've come to whatever terms I'm going to come to about her mother, and I see JC actually making decisions to protect herself consistently, I'll be able to respect a decision I don't support and not have it turn in to a threat to the health and safety of my children.

But I can't do that right now, because I have too much else to take care of. I don't have the luxury of 4 therapy appointments every day, of not having to prepare meals, of not having to manage homework and activities for three children, of not having to work, of not being the only thing between my children and an orphanage.

Yes, I know, that's unfair, JC is working hard on her recovery. But it's also true, because, frankly, that's *all* she has to do. I have to deal with my own emotional state, and that of the kids, and also do everything else to keep a house running. And, while I have help, and have also learned to ask for help, the fewer unnecessary external pressures I have to deal with, the better. So, since there are other ways for Mommy Dearest to communicate with her daughter, I asked to reinstate the block on JC's e-mail.

JC's explanation to her mother was typically avoiding. I would have been proud of her if she had said, "I can't e-mail you because right now that action is causing extreme discomfort for my husband and the associated risk to our children, so he asked me to stop." Instead, she said it just wasn't feasible because she only has an hour a week. Which, while true, isn't really honest.

Also, I didn't know what would happen if I was asked to respect a decision I didn't support. I said so to her therapist in an e-mail.

Well. Now I know. And it's really not pretty. And it's really not something I want to go through again. So, it's going to be really hard for me to respect a decision I don't support next time. I hope three days of e-mailing with her mother was worth it.

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