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03/07/2007

Comments

Blood Dragon

You won't like the answer.
What would I do?
Nothing.
If she complains, or has a problem, I'd deal with that. I might even nudge her - "Tell me what's bothering you."
I think the biggest "mistake" with kids is trying to fine-tune your responses to deal with every little ripple in the signal. I tried to take the approach of, "How do I get them to live through the next mistake they make?" Doesn't mean they didn't get banged up, doesn't mean they didn't get their feelings hurt, doesn't mean the didn't get scared.

thatmandygirl

I had this really nice message typed out and then I guess my computer freaked out like it normally does and decided to delete everything...
It basically amounted to...
You are a good dad, trust your instincts.
And Tesla's tubes will be nothin' but good news. :)
"Short and sweet version"

White Roses

BD: I understand your point.  It's just that she won't do things we know she likes to do.  Like her dance class.  That's sort of hard to deal with.  Do we push her to keep doing it, knowing that the result will be positive?  Or do we back off and reinforce her feelings of "I can't do it"?


tmg: You're right, I probably do second guess myself too much.

Blood Dragon

What they like to do is a moving target. It not only varies from day to day, sometimes it varies from minute to minute.
In general, especially at very young ages, I tend to go with, "If you don't want to, it's fine with me." As they get a little older, they DO need to learn to stick with a thing to "arbitrary" points ("I paid through the end of the year, you GO through the end of the year"; "You're playing until the season is over, then you can quit/change to something else".). That's about learning to keep commitments, as WELL as trying a bunch of things.
Shrug. It doesn't really seem to matter. They're going to do what they're going to do, and turn out how they turn out.

White Roses

It's not that I disagree with you . . . it's more that I don't know where the cut-off should be.  True, 3 years old?  The idea of commitment to a task isn't going to carry much water.  Just as the proposed solutions to the growing anxiety that we've looked in to aren't going to work.  Just try visualization exercises on a 3 year old.  Positive reinforcement seems to be good, but, well, if she's not taking any positive action, it's hard to reinforce (that's as applies to dance class - hard to reinforce her enjoyment of dancing if she refuses to do it).  Maybe we just can't expect her to like dance on a schedule?  Probably.  So when should we take it up a notch, and start laying out arbitrary points?  5?  6?   I was thinking of starting her at Kenpo this fall . . .

I know we're going to try some very primitive money management skills at Disneyland next weekend.  Because she likes counting.

Blood Dragon

Cut-off? That's another moving target. She may be fully committed to something...and then suddenly not. She may act disinterested in something...then want to know why she doesn't go any more.
It's going to drive you nuts. That's what they DO.

White Roses

Ah, well, so long as I know that's their goal, to drive me nuts, I can just go nuts right now, and cut out the delay.

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