Well, it isn't.
I tried to talk to JC last night about what was going on with me, and it all just came out wrong.
Here's what's not fair: she decided to prioritize a project of her own. She missed taking care of some things on the homefront. They were little things. They were unimportant things. But she missed them.
I got angry. I broke off what we were talking about and tried to regroup.
The problem is, I didn't regroup correctly, or she wasn't hearing what I was angry about.
It's this: for the last year, I haven't been able to prioritize anything of my own. I've been the last priority. I had a house and three kids and a job to look after, things that absolutely had to come first. Of that last year, 130 days have been entirely my responsibility. If I didn't take care of whatever needed to be taken care of, it didn't get done. If I didn't do the grocery shopping, we'd have no food in the house for breakfast. If I didn't do the laundry, the kids would wear filthy clothes to school. Absolutely zero flex on any of that.
And because of that, I'm angry because I'm jealous. It's on me! It's my reaction. It's not a fair reaction. It's not a rational reaction. It's not an actionable reaction. It's just my reaction. The only person who can fix it is me.
But JC went off and tried to justify this and that, and apologize for everything she's put me through, and all the other shit I've had to do to keep the family together, and I just don't care.
I just wanted her to forgive me for being jealous.
Shit. Why couldn't I have thought of that last night?