Yeah, you almost got out of September without hearing from me.
December, 2007
09:35
White Roses: Maybe it's just that it's been a very long month, what with the kids having doctor's appointments on average once a week for November, coupled with me being out of the office for very legitimate reasons, coupled with the other situation, that they just chose the wrong month to come pester me about being a warm body in the office.
10:00
Blood Dragon: Ahh.
Blood Dragon: Are they pestering you again?
10:10
White Roses: Yes.
Blood Dragon: Not very smart.
White Roses: Not really.
White Roses: My favorite one was the suggestion that I should use back up dependent care. It's a great service provided by Accenture, but it doesn't at all solve the reason why I leave at 4: only Ladybug and I can get the kids from daycare.
Blood Dragon: Yeah.
White Roses: And if you come to me on Monday and tell me I need to be in the office late on Tuesday, guess what, I haven't planned for that, I can't do it.
White Roses: I can't stand being pushed.
Blood Dragon: I know. I fail to see why they don't get it.
White Roses: Now, in the end, Ladybug and I managed to sort it out.
White Roses: But it still pissed me off. A lot.
Blood Dragon: Yes. So...you need to do two things.
Blood Dragon: One, do that thing you want to do when they piss you off - check job listings. Normal, makes you feel better, reminds you there are options.
Blood Dragon: Two, take the following steps:
Blood Dragon: 1. Explain it to the person giving you shit. Calmly, at first.
Blood Dragon: 2. Explain to that person's boss why it's an issue, if 1 didn't get you any satisfaction.
10:15
Blood Dragon: 3. Explain it to HR, if 2 didn't give you any satisfaction. "It's making me feel like they want me to think the job is more important than my family. I can't be productive in that sort of hostile atmosphere."
White Roses: It's funny, one of the people who flaked me mentioned yesterday that he got shit from his boss about leaving yesterday and missing a meeting so he could go see his daughter's christmas pageant.
White Roses: He was told to "Plan these things better."
Blood Dragon: Oh, really...
White Roses: To which my response would have been a heel hand strike to the nose.
Blood Dragon: You definitely want to talk to HR. But remember to lodge your complaints in the proper chain-of-command order. Calmly.
Blood Dragon: Just keep using phrases like:
White Roses: And he gets these whisperings when he leaves at 5:30.
Blood Dragon: "Thought this company was family-friendly"
Blood Dragon: "I get all my assigned work done, and more"
White Roses: So, well, I figure this, if he's getting crap about 5:30, and I'm getting crap at 4, does someone want to tell me why I should stay late?
Blood Dragon: "It's hard to be productive when you're fretting about your very small children"
White Roses: There's no way I can stay as late as the childless or non-parenting-parents.
Blood Dragon: And my personal favorite, "hostile environment"
White Roses: Heh.
Blood Dragon: I'm serious. Write them down if you need to. That needs to go to HR.
10:30
White Roses: They're down. [The main reason I have this chat around, still, is that it served as fodder for the first of many official letters to my management - maybe I'll post those next . . .]
10:35
Blood Dragon: Other handy phrases: "work/life balance"
White Roses: Honestly, I don't know what they're thinking. I heard about all the opportunities here at Avnet, if you want more responsibility, all you have to do is ask for it. Well, guess what, I don't want more responsibilities at this point.
White Roses: So I'm not asking.
White Roses: And somehow, that makes me not meet expectations?
White Roses: Maybe they need to, I don't know, lower their expectations of me.
Blood Dragon: Someone is being stupid.
White Roses: Several people are, I suspect.
Blood Dragon: If you (generally) like working there, you need to find out who they are and have them properly stomped upon.
White Roses: And then there's the whole discussion about mentoring.
Blood Dragon: Because I guarantee you, there is someone above them who will be angry if they are "picking on" people who are trying to spend time with their family.
White Roses: Well, if you put me on the tasks like writing spreadsheets and building MDBs that NO ONE ELSE IS WORKING ON OR HAS ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT . . .
Blood Dragon: Yeah.
White Roses: Then I really don't have anyone to mentor, do I?
White Roses: I mean, apart from my counsellees who AREN"T ON THIS PROJECT BUT APPRECIATE ALL I DO FOR THEM
White Roses: I need to make this project understand that, as far as I'm concerned, it's not all about this project for me.
White Roses: If that makes you want me off the project, so be it.
White Roses: I'm sure you can find someone you can strap to the desk and force to work all hours and get NOTHING DONE like the majority of the people I see here late.
Blood Dragon: Is it people in YOUR company, or people in the hosting company?
White Roses: My company.
Blood Dragon: Do you think someone from the host company is causing the pressure?
White Roses: The hosting company seems pretty happy, and my direct report in the hosting company would rather I DIDN'T work weekends.
10:40
White Roses: Or all hours.
White Roses: So, no, I don't think it's coming from the hosting company.
Blood Dragon: Ahhhh. You need that. In writing, preferably.
Blood Dragon: Something like this:
White Roses: What I think it is is panic because we're going to be "code complete' on 12/19, and it's going to be a hell of a horse race to get it done.
White Roses: And no one understands that one is never, ever, code complete when they're supposed to be.
White Roses: It's like the one day we're guaranteed *not* to be code complete.
Blood Dragon: "Do me a favor. Write a letter or email to your boss telling him how pleased you are with my productivity and such and all. You don't even have to actually send it to him...just make sure you send a copy to me...and my boss."
Blood Dragon: I mean, it costs your direct report nothing but a little time. And then you "owe him one". Most people like that...
White Roses: True.
10:45
White Roses: I'll see if he's amenable to that sort of thing next week.
White Roses: I need to get a wider perspective before I decide how to address this officially.
Blood Dragon: Couldn't hurt.
White Roses: Oh true.
White Roses: What I need to do though is reach a point where heel hand strike to the nose isn't my first response.
White Roses: The stresses I am under this week are not helping.
Blood Dragon: Yeah, I know, and agree. You need to calm...a LOT...first. Because when you talk to them, you're gonna get pissed.
10:50
White Roses: I have a one-on-one with my out-of-town location lead tonight, after our community meeting.
Blood Dragon: phone?
White Roses: No, she's here in town.
White Roses: It'll be in person.
White Roses: And she's a good lady.
Blood Dragon: OK, start there.
White Roses: So, I think, once she hears my side of the issues, I should be in a better position.
White Roses: Here's the biggest thing I love.
White Roses: All these folks asking for more responsibilities? There's one big one that none of them have: coding.
White Roses: I have code I have to deliver.
Blood Dragon: Yeah.
White Roses: Me.
White Roses: Personally.
Blood Dragon: You should write down all these things.
White Roses: I don't have a team to delegate that to.
Blood Dragon: So you don't leave any out.
White Roses: It's all being copied.
Blood Dragon: And mention the word "persecuted" at least once.
Blood Dragon: "...persecuted for caring about my little girls..."
White Roses: I think the biggest thing is this. I made a decision that my kids are more important than my work.
White Roses: And I live up to that every day.
White Roses: So, if, one day, my choice was meet a deadline or care for my ill child, guess which one it's going to be?
White Roses: Deadlines aren't.
Blood Dragon: "My kids are important to me...more than anything else. If that's going to be a problem, here, tell me now, and I'll start looking."
10:55
White Roses: On my personal list of important things, there's my kids.
White Roses: Then a rather lot of blank space before we get to the next list item, and that one's not work either.
Blood Dragon: I know. It's ME! (Kidding...)
White Roses: Considering I abandoned work for 4 hours to go see The Simpsons Movie with you, I think you can figure out for yourself where you rate compared to work.
White Roses: Work isn't even in the top 5.
Blood Dragon: (I'm actually somewhere below, "Women I don't know, but would love to fuck, if I ever decide to be dumb enough to cheat on my wife".
Blood Dragon: )
White Roses: Possibly, yes.
Blood Dragon: LOL
Blood Dragon: ABOVE that are "Women I DO know," etc.
White Roses: Heh.
Blood Dragon: And above that, assorted family.
White Roses: I'll work on my "career" when my kids are older.
Blood Dragon: If then.
White Roses: If ACN is willing to let me keep stasis with them until then, fine. If not, I've already got a line on another consulting company which, while they won't pay me if I'm not working, will pay me better when I am.
Blood Dragon: I mean, seriously. That whole "up the ladder" thing...it's not for everyone. Do you want to be a manager? I've been one most of my life. It's a lot like being a baby-sitter, but for theoretical adults.
White Roses: I really don't think I want to be a manager.
White Roses: A small team lead, maybe.
Blood Dragon: That's one of the things I like about Amex. I asked, and from the beginning, they've said they have no problem with people who don't want to climb the ladder.
White Roses: Well, the thing here is, I'm at the top of a ladder now.
11:00
Blood Dragon: I have no interest. If Amex wants to keep paying me to be a techie, I'll keep being a techie.
White Roses: I don't technically have to climb any more.
Blood Dragon: Yeah.
White Roses: But it seems like other people want me to climb because they see something in me that either isn't there, or I simply don't see.
Blood Dragon: For me to get any kind of significant increase would require me to become at a minimum a 'team leader'.
Blood Dragon: Yeah, or they're projecting.
Blood Dragon: They want to, and don't understand why you don't.
Blood Dragon: I have had to put my job ahead of my family. Had to for 21 years (well, didn't have a family the whole time...).
Blood Dragon: It isn't fun.
Blood Dragon: I missed a lot of things.
Blood Dragon: But it's a choice I made.
White Roses: There may come a time when I have to.
Blood Dragon: And when I retired, I told myself that it wouldn't be that way again.
Blood Dragon: In any conflict between family and work, family wins.
Blood Dragon: Period.
White Roses: And strangely, JC is supportive of that, she said, "Look at it this way, having a stable career is providing for your family."
Blood Dragon: Yes.
White Roses: But, well, dammit, you can have stable without climbing a ladder.
Blood Dragon: But you also don't want to be the guy working 20/6 to provide for your family...whom you never see.
White Roses: Anyway, lots to talk about with my lead today.
White Roses: I've got it written down now.
White Roses: I'll review it a couple times more.
Blood Dragon: The guy who overworks and stresses himself into an early grave, thereby missing a LOT more.
I remember once reading an article about how to get out of a crappy position at your job, and one advice I thought was brilliant: "Ask HR for a job in HR. They will find you another position anywhere else at the speed of light!".
But it does really suck that jobs are like that. My job is pretty laid back and everyone just takes care of their own workload, but I'm getting reeeeeally tired with all the not-so-subtle hints like "...will happen in a year. Oh yeah, but YOU are probably still on materniti leave by then".
About 20 times a day, at the very least. For some reason kids and family seem to be a very abstract thing to bosses and co-workers, even when they have a few of their own.
Posted by: Jenni | 09/30/2009 at 10:37 AM
By the way, congrats on the impending child! I noticed your weekly pictures, but haven't had the time to say anything about them.
Where I'm at now? Kids and family are not only a concrete concept to my managers and co-workers, but are a non-negotiable reason for time off.
Posted by: White Roses | 09/30/2009 at 04:05 PM
Thank you :) I was sort of hoping this kid would inherit the zen-like nature of my husband, but right now it seems we got the fuzzy end of the lollipop on that one.
I'm glad you found a place where people behave like actual human beings. I wish there would be more places like that
Posted by: Jenni | 09/30/2009 at 09:06 PM
There aren't that many of them around, that's for sure.
Of my three children, two have been extremely easy babies and one was the biggest nightmare spawn of the devil to ever walk the earth. I'm hoping you get an easy one.
Posted by: White Roses | 10/01/2009 at 06:07 AM